Harry Potter and the Dungeon Heart
by Valentine Meikin
Summary: There is one problem with corruption. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, so when you have a group of people who have ultimate power over a community, they will be incredibly corrupt, and the Greater Good will not be the Common Good. Thankfully, Harry Potter just became allied with none of the above, and he's going to make sure those with the power no longer use it.
1. The Wretched State Of Things

**The plot bunny looked up from where it had been hidden in the halls of development hell. Several rather large heavy doors kept anything from going near it, declaring it as dangerous as a crossover between Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Twilight, of which the last one slaughtered one multi-verse's entire supply of that terrible blight known as the 'Sparkly Vampire'. Thankfully, the glorious coming of the fandom faction known as the 'Brony' meant that people pretty much began to remember vampires don't sparkle, and actually found a much better thing that involves the two words Twilight and Sparkle in close proximity to get behind. They also found vampires don't like bad press.**

**The guards approached where the first of the doors should have been, to find it missing. Heading further down the corridor, they found a chilling sight... A simple message...**

**IT'S BACK.**

* * *

**HARRY POTTER AND THE DUNGEON HEART**

**Chapter 1 - The Wretched State Of Things**

* * *

_**They say that all governments are corrupt. This isn't quite true. The governments are fine. It's just that people are inherently corruptible. You give someone power over a entire community, they will start to feel that they can do no wrong, and that... That is when corruption seeps in. With the Wizarding World, far far too many titles are held by far far too few people, due to a mindset that only the purest of wizards can hold a position of ultimate power. So, it became like a Old Boy's Club, with enough political clout to keep themselves in power, even as they trampled on the rights of everyone.**_

**_And that, dear friends, enemies and friends of my enemies, is where we come in. We are not troubleshooters, well, unless you count the type of 'troubleshooter' a lovely pair of 'angels' are. We topple governments, usurp regimes and generally are hated and reviled for what we do. No, we're not lawyers either. They are our kind of people though. We are what is commonly known as Evil Overlords._**

**_Yes, I've seen the list. Quite a riveting read, and distributed as part of our standard welcome package nowadays. Not that anyone reads the materials. It's a standard policy seemingly with the world. You give them paperwork to read, and they feed it to a dragon, use their highly customized sports car's machine guns on it or otherwise maim, shred or destroy it without reading the first page._**

**_Maybe someone needs to find a way to put all the essential information for what you need to do on one single page, that is flame proofed, bullet proofed and Jaegermonster proof. That last one is the most difficult one._**

**_Still, We are rambling, and we have some serious breaches of logic, law and common sense to deal with. Oh yes, and we'll deal with wizarding attire later._**

* * *

In a typical neighbourhood, a pink-haired girl was waking up the people of a home by yelling into a megaphone while playing a drum loudly. For her, it was more subtle than the last time when she let loose a minor demon the youngest member of the household hadn't quite vanquished yet.

* * *

_**Oh wait, That's Japan. Wrong kind of typical. How many places do you know that get monster, giant or otherwise, and giant robot fights, sometimes against each other, often to the melody of hot-blooded hard rock anthems, as well as more magical girls than Cthulhu can shake a tentacle at? Well, When he's not busy with his girlfriend. How that happened is a totally different video game to any of those that appear here. And it's incredibly cheap compared to every other game brought up here. Even with the fact Dungeon Keeper is a budget title.**_

_**Let's start again... Ah, Here's the right one...**_

* * *

In a typical neighbourhood, Petunia Dursley was sat with her son and husband while looking at a small cupboard in mild worry. Only a few hours before, the contents of that cupboard had caused a incident at the zoo that even she was hard pressed to explain. As it was, she'd rather have her sister back than the... boy she had instead of her.

Oh, she thought that some of the reports that she'd read had been padded out and altered from the whole truth by Vernon and his drinking buddies. The fact the deputy headmaster of the local primary school came to the house regularly and enjoyed a good couple of glasses of Scotch with Vernon as they discussed how well Dudley was doing at school was cause for concern.

As far as she knew, Dudley's grades were average, if a little high, while Harry's grades made her cry often.

"Lily, How could a boy born from you be so stupid?" She had asked the heavens, but hadn't got a reply. Harry's grades had slipped, and the number of letters about trouble that had been traced back to Harry had increased by the year. It was easy to pick who was to attend the prestigious Smeltings School and who got Stonewall High, a school that made her think of Crunchem Hall from Matilda.

* * *

_**A good comparison, a very good comparison indeed. While Petunia was one of those people attuned to the true value of children, unfortunately, Vernon Dursley was not. His old drinking buddies at the local primary school happily ignored that Dudley switched papers with Harry, some of them even breaking school rules and discreetly having Dudley copy Harry's work before destroying the evidence with a metal bin and a match.**_

_**Harry's grades in those classes were abysmal purely since it was either that he wrote little and with large text, so a page on the human body barely even got to the good bits, or his work was copied and the original destroyed. This blatant sabotage of his work would have put him in good stead for when he attended Hogwarts, if it had not been for a weakening of the barrier between Aboveground and Underground caused by a bored Imp who wondered how high the sky went. We are quietly thankful that both Imps and Lemmings have learned, over several years of work, how to work out which direction to dig in order to not cut off the gas, water, sewage and other supply lines that are usually found deep underground.**_

_**It is also noted that no right minded archaeologist will go round digging up houses and similar before they destroy the original, giving people plenty of time to move things like highly advanced supercomputers from the foundations of what is about to become a new car park. And, in some cases, where they are near the surface, what is found can't be traced back to us, or the people Aboveground put in themselves.**_

* * *

She was walking past the door to the cupboard when she heard a ominous creaking coming from below her. Heading into the kitchen, she called someone from the council about problems in the foundations of her house, closing the door. As she hung up, she heard a scream at the same time as a large chunk of the floor outside the door gave way.

When the man from the council came a few hours later, he dropped a coin down the hole that had formed out of the floor of the cupboard under the stairs and roughly a foot around it, and they were moved out by that evening due to suspicions that it was the beginnings of the ground giving way under their house. By the following morning, the house had fallen into a sink hole and they were evacuating the area in case it spread.

A unknown distance below, as the Dungeon Heart pulsed and writhed from swallowing the body of a young man who fell from the sink hole that had been formed in the Aboveground, Gnarl hit the Imp who had caused it over the head several times with his cane. "You give a body a brain, it does something stupid." He muttered, "At least I know how to use mine. I do not want to return later to find, again, someone else has caused part of the Aboveground to collapse into our realm because you dug too high."

* * *

_**Gnarl. Most dungeon creatures call him the Union Representative. Some Imps call him the Master's Mouthpiece. Those particular Imps are repurposed and retrained. I am not aware of what they do after, nor am I aware of where Gnarl works during his normal work hours.**_

_**His only purpose is to berate the creatures when they do something completely and utterly dumb, like deciding to path-find into a solid brick wall and keep colliding with it when they're meant to go round the wall to get to the room. Well, It's been so long since someone got round to doing bug fixes on the realm, they're probably going to constantly do things that dumb.**_

* * *

While Gnarl always claimed he was busy, Albus Dumbledore never would say that he had too much work on his hands. He currently was dealing with a minor argument about the merits of a Japanese invention, Magitech, which allowed for Muggleborn wizards and witches to play games that they enjoyed as a muggle. The problem was that the Wizarding United Nations wholeheartedly supported the import agreement for America, but the International Confederation Of Wizards, which had successfully blocked witches from joining the austere body since it was formed, representing Europe had declared that 'Magitech is simply a passing phase, and will not take off'.

* * *

_**What Albus Dumbledore didn't figure out was that the whole invention of Magitech was based round a form of magic-to-energy conversion module, which allowed a device fitted with it to draw ambient magic into it constantly to keep it's batteries charged. As a result, the same magic that made most appliances fail simply lengthened the length of time it remained charged.**_

_**Beyond that, it was nothing different to normal technology, and the constant charge meant that some devices, like the humble Gameboy, actually finally had enough charge to last the typical length of gameplay on certain games... You know which they are.**_

* * *

As he handed the demonstration pack he'd got to the Muggle Studies professor, he headed into his office, his eyes flicking to where a group of devices had stopped working. Heading for Number 4 Privet Drive, he narrowly avoided falling into the slowly growing hole in the ground. Apparently, something had gone wrong, and he hoped, just hoped, that the Dursleys had fled before it happened.

Heading back to Hogwarts, he cursed that the effective range of the devices was the area surrounding a single building. He'd strained their magical ability when he'd expected them to track and give near-instant information on someone halfway across Great Britain, rather than give him information on the general situation of several dozen people within the grounds of the school. Even with the boosters installed using his Put Outer, without the building, they were quite literally put out.

He sank into his chair with a sigh. To set up the devices again would be too much work, since he'd need to track down where they'd been housed after the building had collapsed, and then sweet-talk them into 'restoring' the blood wards that he'd cast in the first place. Oh, he knew exactly why Harry had survived. He'd even collected the award that Tom Riddle had received for 'defeating' Hagrid, restoring it to it's rightful place within Hogwarts, and had McGonagall put a Fidelus on the true nature of the scar, before he obliviated both her and Madame Pomfrey of the fact he even knew a secret about it at all.

Voldemort had predicted that killing the Potters would create his final Horcrux, and had even brought the item that was to become his final anchor with the mortal world. However, Harry Potter inadvertently became that Horcrux and the body of Tom Marvolo Riddle finally gave in to the ravages of so much dark magic cast on it.

"How could I have missed all of this happening?" Dumbledore wondered aloud, looking towards Fawkes, "Admittedly, His father was a blood traitor who just created more blood traitors. Pranksters, indeed... Someone like James Potter will get us all killed."

Fawkes trilled mournfully as Dumbledore looked at the marriage contract he'd made in the name of James Potter with a family that needed the Potter fortune to recover from some poor decisions in it's past.

"Yes, Fawkes, I know this isn't the best choice, but it's the right choice." He declared firmly, "Harry will sign over his fortune to the Weasleys, as well as people like Severus his father's actions caused so much harm to... I sometimes wonder if Severus is right, that if James Potter hadn't been so cruel and heartless to him, several Death Eaters wouldn't have joined the Dark Lord's crusade against scum like him..."

* * *

_**Ah, Albus Dumbledore. The only man to have everyone else solve his mistakes while he acts like he didn't make them in the first place. He created Voldemort by personally helping the young Tom Riddle. I would compare him to someone else, but they say you do not speak ill of the dead and famous. Well, not when the writer actually respected him for his contribution to music.**_

_**He then decides to put a young orphan into a situation where he's likely to turn dark because of the fact he has no vision of the good in people beyond the fact that a few people declare false platitudes to him while continuing the torture that he knows they will do when he's not placated for five minutes.**_

_**Excuse me, I just need to go borrow the Keeper's Hand because I need to faceplant, and being a disembodied voice, you can't really do it easily with your own.**_


	2. The Death(s) and Return Of Harry Potter

_**We are sorry about the delay in continuing this story that caused the loss of such a wonderful amount of jokes. If any reader has a 3DS and any of these games - Code Of Princess, Dead Or Alive Dimensions, Denpa Men, Donkey Kong Country 3D, Fire Emblem Awakening, LEGO City Undercover, Mario & Donkey Kong, Mario Kart 7, Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate, Nintendogs + Cats, POKeMON Mystery Dungeon, Project X (Cross) Zone, Sonic and SEGA All Stars Racing Transformed or Tetris - Please leave your friend code in a private message for the writer.**_

_**Yes, before you ask, that is the cause of the delay. Any recommendations for the system will be accepted more than flames, which will be fed to Hornicus.**_

* * *

**HARRY POTTER AND THE DUNGEON HEART**

**Chapter 2 - The Death[s] and Return Of Harry Potter**

* * *

While Albus Dumbledore was plotting his death, Harry Potter was waking up after a rather bad nightmare. Admittedly, it was a different bad nightmare to the one where he remembers the last few seconds of his mother's life, in that it involved a lot more pain, a lot of images of torture that he realized were his life flashing before his eyes, and then blissful silence.

He cracked open an eye to find he seemingly was in Heaven, his small body in the middle of a massive bed, the sheets and bedding made of silk. He tried to figure out how he got there, heading to the door to hear footsteps walk past, someone calling out, "Has Moppet arrived?"

"She arrived a couple of minutes ago. I warn you... The new master's accounts at Gringotts have been transferred to the realm. The imps are quite put out. They won't need to mine for gold until Hell freezes over." A voice drawled.

"Any new creatures?" The person asked. A gong sounded.

"A Rogue has entered the dungeon. He has been told to leave." The voice drawled, "A Salamander has entered the dungeon. I sent him to go deal with the critics."

Harry wondered what the voice was talking about, and why he'd heard him clear as a bell.

Once the footsteps had passed, he headed out of the door to find himself in what was clearly a mansion of some kind, except that he could not find the entrance.

There were very rich hangings on the walls and various precious vases and pieces of art were placed on plinths lining the walls. There were even velvet rugs laid out on the stone floors. Wherever he was, it wasn't Privet Drive.

A sound alerted him to someone's approach and he ducked behind a tapestry. A girl in a black lacy dress, a halberd slung over her shoulder, crossed the landing a few moments later. She looked pretty in a exotic sort of way, only the fact she was carrying around the massive weapon like it was weightless making Harry stay behind the tapestry.

"Is anyone in the map room?" She called, for the voice, again much clearer than it should be, to declare, "The Map Room is closed down at the moment. I will put up the blast shielding."

The girl then swerved, heading towards the large door that dominated one wall, passing through into another room. "Notification for all residents. Please use the secondary portal for travel Aboveground. The one in the Map Room is closed off for the next hour." The voice declared as the door the girl had passed through seemed to melt into the wall. A explosion came from beyond the wall, Harry hiding as the building quaked.

"Better make that two. I will want details of why Ms. Tomoe just caused a minor earthquake. We only just sealed up the sinkhole." The voice declared, for there to be a pause, "I do not care if she casts magic in High Elven, You do not tell someone like her to use the local spells. Even I know they're long-winded."

He guessed that whoever the voice belonged to, they were effectively the one in charge of everyone here. Harry slipped out from behind the tapestry and entered a small door not too far from his hiding place, only to find himself in a long hallway lined with doors on either side.

Ducking into one of the doors, he found himself in a kitchen area. Feeling his stomach grumble, he looked in the cupboards for something to eat, ignoring the random earthquakes as he didn't want to face down someone who clearly was capable of causing him actual bodily harm right now.

He found the cabinets stocked with rows upon rows of chicken soup cans. "Weird." he said, grabbing one and searching the drawers for a spoon and a can opener.

Harry was halfway through his second can when he heard it; a faint sound. He couldn't say what it was, but it seemed to be coming from outside the kitchen area.

Picking up his soup can, he left the kitchen, following the sound through the halls until he came to a large iron door.

The sound seemed to echo in his head and his hand reached out for the handle. It turned easily in his grip and the door swung outward. He took a tentative step inside the chamber and stepped inside. The sound was much louder now, practically resounding in his head. Harry realized with a start that is sounded very similar to a heartbeat, and even stranger, that his own heart seemed to be beating in time with the sound.

The room was dark, and Harry squinted in the light to see the source of the sound. That was when a large hand clamped down on his shoulder and spun him around.

Harry found himself facing a large green skinned orc with bulging muscles and a cleaver in his other hand.

"What boy doing here?" he asked in broken english. "Children too young for adventuring." he said, "Horst take boy to boss."

Harry struggled in the orc's grip, but the orc was able to easily pick up the malnourished boy, for a voice to cough behind him.

"Please leave him alone." A wizened old figure declared, Harry thinking he looked uglier than the orc, "He's a guest of the Keeper. Hornicus would be SO unhappy if we lost a guest of the Keeper's..."

"Sorry, Gnarl." The orc muttered, putting Harry down, "When boss get back?"

"Soon, very soon..." Gnarl declared, walking Harry back to the iron door, "Please, Mr. Potter, do not use this door again. Keepers do not walk the dungeon floor."

Gnarl then slammed the door in his face, and he heard it locking.

His stomach growled again and Harry went off in search of more food.

* * *

Teleute rubbed her head, having just got back from checking up on how they were handling the earthquakes caused by Hotaru, quietly thankful Harry's realm nexus was tethered to a small abandoned farm in Glasgow, since the farm had collapsed, the quakes not travelling much beyond the overgrown fields.

She arrived in the kitchen to smell someone cooking bacon sandwiches, for the new Keeper to give a surprised yelp as he was spotted. "Look, Don't tell your boss I'm doing this... I feel like I've not eaten in hours, so I..." Harry began.

"It's your food, It's your kitchen..." The Mentor announced, "How good are you at making noodles? Look for Nihon Soba, and make some freshly squeezed juice as well."

Harry flicked through the recipe cards, and began working on the noodles, wondering why it had bilingual instructions. A short time later, the girl from earlier walked in, Teleute handing her the noodles in a vegetable broth along with the juice.

"Now everyone is here, I wish to introduce Mr. Potter to the fact that he is now a quasi-immortal champion for the other guys." The voice declared, "I am the Mentor, not the voice, and for me, there is no fourth wall. There's also no pay, no benefits and I have to do work for indie titles because EA decided to get some chinese guy to do my job."

"What does he mean by that?" Harry asked.

"Long story, and not one we need telling." Teleute offered, "My name's Teleute, and I am, for want of a better term, your case worker. I am here to help you with anything you might need to know."

"Watashi wa Tomoe Hotaru desu, Harī-sama." Hotaru declared.

"Huh?" Harry asked, only making out his name somewhere in the sentence.

"She said her name is Hotaru Tomoe. She's... from out of town." The Mentor offered, "Don't ask why she's here, it's a long story, and we do not have all day. Hotaru, Please, English from now on, it saves me time translating you."

"Um... Alright. Then what is this place and why am I here?" he asked.

"It's a Netherealm, situated below Glasgow." Teleute stated.

Harry blinked, "Okaaay... And what is a Netherealm?"

"According to welcome pack, a font of pure evil." Hotaru declared, scanning a inch-thick tome, clearly using it for the right words, "Not to be confused with the local lawyer's convention."

She then pointed out the line.

"Yep, Although, Why does it compare it to a lawyer's convention?" Harry muttered.

"They're cruel, sadistic and do anything for their fee." The Mentor offered, "By the way, we had a problem with the five-year-old child... Please see Rule 12."

"Mondai wa nanideshita ka?..." Hotaru asked. the Mentor coughing, before she said, "What was problem?"

"They moved out, got a well paying job in law, and we don't go into what happened beyond there." The Mentor declared, "We hope that you will be able to provide a new child before you end at school."

"Where am I expected to get a five-year-old child?" Harry asked.

* * *

**Suggestions for a response are not needed. And yes, even I'm facepalming at the fact there's a hot young woman and a cute engine of destruction a few feet from him, and he asks where he's meant to get a child.**

**Admittedly, he's too young for me to just yell 'Use your staff!'**

* * *

"I do not know. I'm sure you'll find a good source for a child, but it may involve some effort and they might not be 5 years old by the end of school, since you can't really start looking until your third year." The Mentor offered, "Also, We stopped using Rules 18 and 19 a while ago, since we found that it's harder to find good genius level intellects in randomly asked young children."

"8 out of 10 of them being girls. Boys do have high intelligence, but applying it in the right ways for our uses is incredibly difficult." Teleute offered.

"So what is my part in all this, then?" asked Harry.

"You are basically the lord and master of this domain. We will be bringing in a consultant to help you in becoming the right kind of magnificent bastard for this line of work..." The Mentor explained, "A Mr. Addams."

"There goes the neighborhood..." Teleute muttered.

"Kinrin ni wa soko ni iku." Hotaru agreed.

"So what you're saying is..." began Harry tentatively, "I don't have to go home to Privet Drive."

The two of them nodded. "Privet Drive is partially collapsed into a sinkhole anyway..." The Mentor added, "It's one of the reasons we're currently in Glasgow."

Harry smiled. "Then, what's first?"

"I have some lessons to give you in how the world works for you." Teleute explained.

"Alright, lead the way." said Harry with a smile on his face for the first time in a long time.

"Very well... Young Master." Teleute replied, gesturing for Harry to follow her. The young boy followed after Teleute, leaving Hotaru alone.

"i wonder if it's alright to trust our fates to a boy so young." said The Mentor, briefly isolating Harry from his commentary.

"Sore wa daijōbu ni narimasu." Hotaru replied.

"I sure hope you are right, Hotaru-chan..." The Mentor muttered, "Gods help us if you aren't."


	3. Everything Has A Place

**_We wish to admit that the story will start to use it's own form of fanon from now on. In this universe, the Death Eaters, under the suggestion of a currently unnamed man, agreed to put the entire blame on James Potter and Sirius Black, claiming the attack where Voldemort died was merely Voldemort failing to totally stop a power grab. 90% of wizards were given the belief that the Marauders were evil._**

**_I'm not saying it was Snape, or that it was Pettigrew who spread the concept, but people like Dumbledore and those who believe the Harry Potter books of the universe believe it..._**

**HARRY POTTER AND THE DUNGEON HEART**

**Chapter 3 - Everything Has A Place**

"First lesson - There is no such thing as Good and Evil, there's just the opinions of the masses. The job of a Dungeon Keeper was originally to bring misery and pain..." Teleute declared as Harry sat with her, shedding a crocodile tear, "...But, alas, the heroes became useless, egotistical morons who did more damage than we did."

"So, What's my part in all this?" Harry asked.

"As far as the people who are meant to be 'Good' in the magical community are concerned, you are meant to clean up the mess of a particularly benevolent member of their community..." Teleute offered, "Personally, In their community, benevolent means either you donate more money than I do to good causes to whatever oppressive law the minister wants to pass, or you tell him what he wants to hear."

"What are you and Hotaru here for?" Harry continued.

"Me? If Hornicus did the reaping you need doing, you'd probably be called Dark and lose your current mortal form in a hail of spellfire." Teleute half-grumbled, "However, if you use a rather nice looking young woman to do your reaping, she'll get threatened by them... and probably hurt even more of the foolish men who keep giving each other positions of power..."

"And Hotaru?" Harry pressed.

"She can actually attend your classes at school without getting meddling old fools snooping." Teleute stated, "I'm... physically too old to attend Hogwarts."

"So, What am I meant to do?" Harry asked, for Teleute to walk him into the Map Room, which was, for a change, active, taking him up onto the platform hanging over the giant scrying stone.

"This is your realm. It normally would be a few feet above us, but they only just repaired damage to the area dividing it from the area above it and where the Dungeons are constructed." Teleute stated plainly, "There is a iron door that acts as a portal into the Dungeon, but it is currently only usable by me and some others."

"I know, I encountered someone named Gnarl there..." Harry admitted.

"Hotaru, Did you leave the door open?" Teleute called to the young girl who was sitting on one of the benches surrounding the stone.

"Mōshiwake arimase so no koto ni tsuite, Teleute-dono, Harī-sama." Hotaru declared, bowing lightly in apology, before, after a pause, "I sorry, Teleute-dono, Harī-sama."

"It's no problem." Harry offered, "So, Anyone else in my staff beyond you two and Gnarl?"

"He's not on your staff. He's a consultant who will handle dungeon affairs until you're properly trained. Right now, the Map Room will not commit any changes to the dungeon floor without my approval." Teleute explained, "Well, you are the youngest Keeper in years. Hotaru, Will you take Harry to get his things for Hogwarts? Please avoid Olivander. He doesn't like your wand at all."

* * *

Harry walked out of Gringotts with Hotaru, still amazed at the idea that he owned all of the money in that vault. That thing had to be at least three football fields long! And it was full of more gold and silver than the Royal Mint. He looked across at Hotaru, who was clutching her glaive and had been less than polite with the teller, as far as he could tell.

"Sumimasen, Harī-san, but goblins no understand without Naginata. Well, Not without fee." Hotaru managed, having been told by both Teleute and Harry to at least try to use English on Diagon Alley.

"Huh? Oh, um... It's alright. Just don't make a habit of it." he replied as they made their way to Madame Malkin's to get school robes.

As they arrived in Madame Malkin's, she glared at Hotaru. "Out, demon! I do not want to do another gothic styled robe!" She snapped.

"Anata wa, watashi ga chūmon shita saigo no mono o shūryō shimasendeshita!" Hotaru exclaimed.

"Do you think I can get silk and lace like that easily?!" Madame Malkin snapped, "You are not going to Hogwarts looking like a doll from the toy shop's window!"

"Watashi wa gosurori ishō o kiru baai, sore wa watashi no sentakudesu!" Hotaru snapped back.

"Teleute brought her here to get checked out for suitability for attending Hogwarts while you were recovering from your death." The Mentor declared, deadpan, "She annoyed most of the shopkeepers with her demands... as well as not using english when annoyed. And, before you worry, The harpy can't hear me."

"Um... Miss?" said Harry. "What?" she exclaimed, turning her attention to Harry. "Uh... I-I'm going to Hogwarts and I need a fitting doing." he stammered out.

Her demeanor instantly turned friendly and she smiled. "Of course! Right this way. she said, leading him into the fitting room."

"I have a really cruel joke to play on her." The Mentor offered, "Well, You don't look very appropriate for Hotaru's attire."

The Mentor then described his plan, Harry smiling at the chance to get back at the nasty witch.

"Hotaru, Can you help Ms. Malkin with some formal clothes for me to wear while I deal with the rest of my duties in Diagon Alley? Well, I have an obnoxious amount of money, and you do owe her that dress she asked for." Harry declared smoothly.

* * *

_**Dear kyaru-chan,**_

_**We wish to forward a message to you from the Addams Family, concerning the fact that writers, including you, think that part of Harry being a Addams means that he must emulate Morticia rather than Gomez, and also needs some fancy new name to go with it. Harveste Addams was, admittedly, a good Dark!Harry, and some aspects of the Addams were spot-on, but Harry doesn't suit the look. Period. Get the point?**_

* * *

Over a hour later, and a few thousand galleons less well off, Harry walked towards Eeylops Owl Emporium, feeling a growing compulsion drawing him to look upon a snowy white owl sat in the window. 'I am going into Magicial Menagerie, and I am going to get a cat.' He thought firmly, walking past the window, and heading towards the other store, not noticing a robed figure across the street swearing as the owl went unsold.

A short time later, He left Magicial Menagerie with a female tabby patterned cat he'd named Hermes, a raven-furred black cat he'd named Titan and a white rabbit he'd named Usagi. He met up with Hotaru, giving her the black cat and the rabbit.

"We don't need rabbit at Hogwarts..." Hotaru began, before deciding, "But she just what needed sometimes... It remind me of good times from before..."

"OK... Anyway, That's the last of what we need." Harry declared, "Let's head home."

* * *

On Platform 10, a few days later, The Weasleys were preparing for the fact that it was time for Hogwarts.

"Now, Ron, You know what we are meant to do?" Molly asked.

"Befriend Harry Potter, keep him making only alliances with Light-minded families, ensure that he doesn't turn Dark..." Ron dictated.

"Poor boy, his father was such an embarrassment to his House." Molly tut-tutted, "Bullying... Dangerous pranks..."

As she said this, her eyes looked towards her middle sons, who looked sheepish. "I will not have my children turn into Marauders." She snapped, "Anyway, They were so terrible, and with him supposedly at large, and his faithful ally, Sirius Black, in jail because of their botched attempt to kill the only person who stood up to him..."

"OK, OK, We know what to do... So, He's somewhere on this platform, probably lost..." Ron declared, "The best place for him is Gryffindor, where we can put right what his parents got wrong."

* * *

Across from them, on Platform 9, Harry was hugging Teleute goodbye before he headed towards Platform Nine and Three Quarters, partially wondering to himself why it had to be in such a stupid location.

"Never mind the fact that the actual platform is not actually between Platform 9 and 10 in where it goes onto the track." The Mentor declared.

"If things like that were explained, we'd have logic in the wizarding world." Harry replied in derision, "So, We need to walk through the column bisecting the end of the area between Platforms 9 and 10."

"Exactly. Try to be nonchalant about it, make sure no-one notices too much that you moved off the platform. There's a limited range distraction hex on the column itself, so no-one notices someone actually approach it." Teleute explained, then headed off to the nearby dungeon gate.

As Harry wandered towards the column, a tall figure cut him off as Hotaru went ahead and through, not moving until a group of redheads approached.

"First year?" The woman in charge of the group asked, misreading why he was cursing his situation, "My son, Ron, is a first year too..."

Harry tuned her out as she acted like he was lost, still cursing whoever it was that had got in his way. He scowled as he noticed whoever it was had swiped Hermes and put that blasted owl from earlier on his trolley.

'I bet they were the one who so kindly wanted me to buy such a blatantly obvious owl.' Harry thought.

"Teleute just recovered Hermes from a box by the platform entrance. Thankfully, none of the young children passing wanted a pet." The Mentor declared, "We might as well keep the owl. Just to stop whoever is meddling in the life of Harry James Potter."

* * *

Harry scowled as he sat alone, cursing that he'd not found Hotaru before he'd been told by a red-haired boy with a prefect's badge, part of the family who had 'helped' him find the platform, to sit down. He felt like he was being shoe-horned into place even more as two of the members of the family sat down across from him.

"OK, Tell me, right now, what's going on." Harry asked, "I got here with a friend of mine, Hotaru Tomoe, a japanese exchange student..."

"She's currently in the teacher's compartment, trying to explain what she's doing there, I think... No-one understands her, but she's got a Hogwarts letter, so she's staying there until they can verify she's meant to be here." One of the boys stated.

"Well, Go let them know that she's with me, and that it's a genuine letter." Harry told them, scowling at how much he was being controlled. A short time later, the youngest of the boys arrived.

"Excuse me, but all the other compartments are full." The boy stated, Harry not believing the obvious lie, even as the boy sat down, "Blimey, You're Harry Potter, aren't you? Can I see..."

Harry smirked as he shook his head, letting him notice that his forehead was unblemished. "I had it removed since I felt it was unsightly." Harry declared, "Do you think I like reminders of that day?"

"Is it true your father survived?" Ron asked.

"I wouldn't know. He's never approached me, but it seems very odd that he'd betray my mother so callously." Harry declared.

"But him and his Marauders were You Know Who's inner circle. It was all over the papers, the Death Eaters all agreed that they were being controlled by him..." Ron continued.

"The victors write the history, Mr. Weasley." Harry declared, "They could have said that I was the instigator of the entire attack against the non-magical community, but I was too young and also they had a better scapegoat."

Ron opened his mouth to reply to that, when there was a knock on the door. Both heads turned to look at the young witch who poked her head in. "Excuse me, have either of you seen a toad?"

"Accio toad." Harry declared off-handedly, sticking his arm out of the compartment, hearing a annoyed croak as he caught it, "Wizards. Complete idiots. So, Who sent you on this fool's errand, mi'lady?"

"It's Hermione, Hermione Granger." She stated, blushing as he kissed her knuckles.

"Charmed." Harry finished, "Where's your compartment?"

Hermione showed him towards a compartment where Hotaru was already waiting.

"I've been helping this transfer student with her english..." Hermione began.

"Perfect!" Harry declared, "Been looking for her since I arrived here. My name's John Doe, and this is Hotaru Tomoe, but she prefers to be called Firefly to her friends or Death-sama to her enemies."

"OK, Mr. Doe, Let's get this toad back to it's owner, and teach him how to summon errant amphibians." Hermione suggested.

"Good job so few people own toads these days." Harry dryly observed, "Well, they say you can have a cat, rat, bat or toad... Hotaru here owns a rabbit..."

* * *

We wish to thank ZAZ for the Airplane, Hot Shots and Naked Gun films. Thank you, you absolute nutjobs. We also wish to leave the Hogwarts Express now, and let them relax and get to know each other.

I have a meddler to catch. Someone's messing with my Keeper.


End file.
